Plano's Marriage Boot Camp draws national attention

When many couples think of group marriage counseling, they picture outdoor retreats, zip lines and falling backward into their partner's arms.

But for the past 10 years, the Plano-based Marriage Boot Camp has taken a different approach, receiving national attention as a result.

In February, four couples went through the program on Dr. Drew Pinsky's Lifechangers television program. In May, their work with celebrity couple Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed was nationally televised on Simmons' Family Jewels reality show.

"He and Shannon went through our program right before they got married," said Dana Hamman, seminar director for Marriage Boot Camp. "The producers [said], 'You'll never crack Gene Simmons,' and of course he got very emotional and was very genuine and really dug into his feelings, and they had a really great experience."

The boot camp will return to the Plano Centre, its home since 2002, Jan. 23-26, the first of seven sessions planned at the venue for 2013. Seminars will also continue this year in Galveston, Houston, Atlanta, Ga. and Burbank, Calif.

David Bishop, executive director for Marriage Boot Camp, said the program focuses on addressing each marriage partner's personal issues as a foundation for working with one another on their marriage or relationship.

"What we tell them right off the bat is, we want you to work on you," he said. "Let us worry about your spouse and let us worry about your relationship. ... They really have an opportunity to really look within themselves and find out what's broken, what areas they need to grow in, and also what's broken in the relationship and what part they play in the relationship."

Instead of lectures and video presentations, the program encourages couples to examine their relationships with their parents and assess their "spiritual damage," often in the context of interactive drills and exercises, as a means to conquer relationship-damaging anger and resentment.

"They're starting at 10 [a.m.] and ending at 11 [p.m.], and they're doing that over four days," Hamman said. "If you add up going to sit in a counselor's office for an hour every week, it would take you more than two years to even come close to being in an intensive program ... You really put your head down and spend quality, extended hours working on your relationship."

The seeds of the program were laid by founder Jim Carroll, who worked with Dr. Phil McGraw on his Pathways program in the 1980s. The first 10-day sessions were held in 1994 in Dallas, but a shorter, more intensive program was needed, and the first Marriage Boot Camp was held in 2002. Today, the program regularly draws more than 100 attendees, Hamman said.

Bishop said the two most common issues couples come to the seminar with are a lack of communication and an inability to forgive.

"With most couples, what happens is they don't know how to resolve conflict," he said. "They'll have an argument and it never gets resolved, so a little bit of bitterness sets in. Then they have another argument and another argument, and none of them get resolved. If you think about most couples you know, when they get in an argument, they never stay on one topic; they start bringing up everything that's happened before that point. ... Those are two things we cover very strongly in the boot camp."

The program is staffed by a mixture of life coaches, public speakers and seminar directors. While none of the coaches are licensed counselors, the games and drills that make up the boot camp have a scientific basis, Bishop said.

"Counselors are amazed when they come through at how structurally sound the program is," he said. "... What we do is more along the lines of coaching. In other words, we never give anybody any advice during the boot camp. The way the games and drills are designed, you'll find your own answers."

Cost for the Marriage Boot Camp is $1,200 per couple. Divorcees, singles and married persons attending the program alone can also participate in the nighttime Enrichment Boot Camp for $400 per person.

The Plano Centre is at 2000 E. Spring Creek Parkway.

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